Day 25 - February 13An avid Jeopardy fan, Marie cheers aggressively every night for the contestant she wants to win. She chooses the one she perceives deserves it the most, whether by a pleasing demeanor, quiet disposition, or humble appearance. Often, once locked in, that contestant can do no wrong and the other two can do no right. Or sometimes two contestants pass for winners in her eyes, and the third is vilified. All done in good fun, the half hour in her living room is far more entertaining than the half hour on TV!
She imbues her every activity with the same enthusiasm. Her weekly house cleaning is the most thorough I have ever witnessed. The local church office where she works also benefits from her ability to jump into projects feet first and take off running. Among her many other tasks, she organizes volunteers to supply complete dinners for families of deceased loved ones, every night until the funeral. This not only includes immediate family members, but also the entire extended family when present. These meals can accommodate as many as 35-40 people, every night of the week preceding a funeral.
Our family is small, but when Harold arrives, back from Chicago this evening, we sit at father’s kitchen table with Steven, Leslie, and Bobby, cared for by the church. It is truly a Thanksgiving meal with all the trimmings, topped off with a homemade cheesecake. For an hour, conversation flows, punctuated by declamations of, “This stuffing is really good…nice salad…even the cranberry sauce…love those mashed potatoes…haven’t enjoyed sweet potatoes like these in awhile…an amazing cheesecake.”
What a relief to laugh and enjoy! What a privilege to be entertained in father’s kitchen once more!
Earlier in the afternoon I glanced down at my hand to see the reassuring rings lined up on my fingers--mother’s, mine and father’s--when I noticed in alarm, mother’s was no longer there. In a silly gesture, I covered each of the rest of my fingers with her old costume jewelry rings. I sit at dinner with ten rings on, sparkling gaudy fake diamonds and rubies, not wanting Steven to notice I lost mother’s gold ring.
At the end of the night, Harold and I talk with David and Marie before heading to their guest room-- Marie’s crossword on her lap and David’s book of poetry at his side. They cared for father for the last few years. David checked in each day, sometimes making sure medication was taken, often getting a grocery list from father. He opened father’s mailbox every afternoon, delivering the mail to his living room. He drove him to countless appointments.
He and Marie always let father know when they were leaving town, and the first thing they did upon returning was check in with him. Father made cookies and potato pancakes for their grandchildren when they visited. He laughed with pleasure remembering the grandson who was unafraid to raise himself right up to father’s "good" ear and yell into it if he thought father couldn’t hear him. He officiated their daughter’s wedding. They entertwined like family.
Now they care for us.
Preparing for bed, I remove all the costume jewelry and stare at my hand. Two rings.
Content, I think to myself, “This time is about father.”
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